The diary of a 20 something

I think most of us and I speak for myself, all went through a phase where we went head-to-head with our moms and it felt like a never-ending cycle. We felt as though she was being difficult or she simply just didn’t understand us- especially in our teenage years. Now older, I’ve grown to understand her as a person. This post is dedicated to my mother, the girls or sisters who’ve had and are playing the role of mom, and those who are currently healing those “mommy issues” their inner child needs to process.

A new outlook

I think my perspective changed significantly when I became more aware of myself as a woman, developing an adult relationship with my mother where I could discuss things I would never have imagined as a teen. The biggest step for me was the moment I saw her in the light as a person who is also experiencing this life; learning, unlearning, and growing for the first time- just as I am.

My mom had me in her teens, a young budding student-athlete with a brilliant mind destined for so much. Like many Jamaicans, I grew up with a single parent, however, I was blessed with a supportive extended family; those aunts who became additional moms, uncles who became father figures, and cousins who became older siblings. Now as an adult, I often think about how difficult the decision must have been to go through with this pregnancy and to do so alone. I’ve always appreciated how hard she worked to ensure I was always cared for to the point no one could tell I wasn’t supported by an amazing and present dad.

We are the same, yet different

Many of us will say we don’t see it, but we are a true reflection of parts of our mothers. Now in my 20s and experiencing womanhood, I get it- and many days when I look at her I see that teenage girl who is full of life, loves taking care of others, loves music, and is spiritually in tune. When we have a heated moment (from a place of love of course), my stepdad often smiles knowingly, laughs, and goes “You are both the same and you don’t even see it”. Recently a friend commended how pure my love was and how intentional I was about loving those around me and honestly these are all attributed to my mom and the women who raised me; to be kind, compassionate, love without a cost, and to exercise empathy even when it may seem hard.

The measure of a mother’s love

We often don’t see the many sacrifices they make and this is both good and bad. At the end of 2023 leading into this year, I had a health scare that saw me making multiple trips to the doctor, and given that I no longer lived with my parents and relocated to a whole different parish- my mom asked one simple question, “How would you like to go about this?” I expressed that I would prefer to handle it in Kingston and she ensured everything was prepared before I did my monthly visits. She has always been like this, she never missed the cheerleading competitions, the concerts, recitals and the report days. One day I realized that my grandmother dying shortly after I was born was her motivation to always show up and be present. The thought of someone interceding to God on your behalf has always been in the definition of love for me and I must say a praying mother has truly kept me over the years.

Not one of your little friends?

I’ve always considered our relationship to be more like sisterhood first, we grew up together and experienced all our major milestones together. I am her best friend and she is mine- in my most vulnerable moments she was always there and though many Jamaican moms claim “we a no friend and company,” guess who Ms. Nikki calls for every single thing? Me, that’s right. I think moving broke her a little, but a day has never passed without her expressing how proud she is to see me take on my dreams and do so unapologetically. (Small brag!) She has taught me how to love and the love she has received from my step-dad is the love and consideration I hope to experience one day – That man doesn’t play about her!

The end of the yapping…

I am blest to say the relationship we have is a beautiful one, it took a lot for us to get here, but we had to learn each other. The realization that she also has dreams, aspirations and interests outside of her role as ‘mommy’ really makes her seem more human. I think when we were younger we were so conditioned to see them in this light as nurturers, that it isn’t until we’re older that we realize just how perfectly imperfect they are too. We’ve had to learn and for some- still learning to forgive the parts of them that may have caused harm or the parts we never understood; so we ourselves can be good for ourselves, those we come in contact with and our kids if we choose to have any.

What are some of the things you have learnt or learning from your Mother’s relationship?