The diary of a 20 something

Navigating Life’s Changing Connections

Some time ago I realized that one of my oldest friendships was fading. We hadn’t fought, but something had shifted between us. We no longer called each other as often, and our once deep conversations became shorter and less meaningful. It was painful—letting someone in, knowing them so well, and then watching as they drifted away. This was when I learned something valuable: not all friendships are meant to last forever, and that’s okay.

As we go through life, friendships evolve, shaped by age, proximity, and shifting interests. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that every friendship—just like any relationship—requires work. But it’s not always easy, especially as adults. This stage is tricky: you’re figuring out how childhood friendships will change, learning to relate to each other as you transition into adulthood and trying to form new connections. For me, making new friends as an adult has been the hardest part so far.

Show Up as Your Authentic Self

I believe a good friend should be able to say, “Ashley would love that,” or “She wouldn’t be into this.” But that level of understanding only happens when we show up as our whole, true selves. Without that, relationships remain shallow, never blossoming into the genuine bond they could be.

It’s also important to acknowledge that not everyone is meant to be a close friend. Sometimes, friendships evolve into acquaintanceships, and that’s perfectly fine. It doesn’t mean you love the person any less; it simply means you’ve both outgrown whatever once connected you.

Have you found yourself holding onto a friendship that’s run its course? Perhaps it’s time to embrace the natural ebb and flow of these connections.

Friendships are Relationships Too

When we think about relationships, we often focus on romantic ones, forgetting that friendships are relationships too—ones that require just as much care, effort, and intention. I’ve been fortunate enough to have some fulfilling and healthy friendships that have set the tone for what I expect in a romantic relationship. Clear communication, mutual understanding, and celebrating each other’s wins are just as important in friendships as they are in love.

Think about it: Do you make the same effort to stay connected with your friends as you would with a partner? When was the last time you really checked in with a friend or went out of your way to show them appreciation?

One thing I’ve started doing is staying updated on my friends’ interests. Knowing what they love, what excites them, and what matters to them helps me to be intentional about how I show up for them—whether it’s picking the perfect birthday gift or just checking in with a random act of kindness. People change, and it’s hard to always get it right, but putting in that effort makes a difference. As Trevor Noah said in a conversation with Simon Sinek, “A person is a person only because of the people.” This speaks to the importance of maintaining strong friendships outside of romantic relationships, work, or hobbies.

Is “Low Maintenance” Friendship Really a Thing?

Now, I’ve heard people talk about “low-maintenance friendships,” but I’ve never fully embraced the concept. Can any meaningful relationship really be low maintenance? A friend of mine recently said they were “low maintenance,” and I couldn’t help but disagree. Friendship, like love, requires effort.

Sure, some friendships might not need daily communication or constant check-ins, but that doesn’t mean they don’t require attention. Maybe your idea of low maintenance is a text every few days, or maybe it’s someone just showing up for the “big” moments. But at the end of the day, it’s still work. However, let’s not forget boundraries, we all have a right to limit interactions, take time to regroup etc, and these boundraies must be respected, so If we know a friend doesn’t like phone calls, parties or have other preferences then you should be respecting these.

Take a moment and think about what “low maintenance” means to you. Are you giving your friendships the care they deserve? Or are you waiting for others to do the heavy lifting?

Grace and Forgiveness: The Lifeboats of Friendship

In this chaotic world we live in, there are countless things vying for our attention every day. Sometimes, friendships need an extra boost, and we must make the decision to do the heavy lifting ourselves. This is where grace and forgiveness come into play.

Grace and forgiveness are the lifeboats of friendship. If we want to keep these connections afloat, we have to put these concepts into action, not just say the words. People will make mistakes, people will let us down—but we’re all human. Leading with grace, even in the most uncomfortable conversations, ensures that we’re creating the kind of friendships that can weather any storm.

Reflect for a moment: Have you extended grace to your friends when they needed it most? Are you ready to forgive them the next time they stumble?

Fostering Healthy Friendships: A Challenge

As I reflect on my own journey with friendship, I’ve learned that the connections we nurture can define our happiness just as much as any romantic relationship. Friendships take work—effort to show up authentically, to communicate clearly, and to extend grace when times get tough.

So, what’s the hardest thing about maintaining friendships in today’s world? How are you fostering healthy connections with the people who matter most?

In the end, friendships, like all relationships, are the lifeboats that carry us through the stormy seas of life. The key is to nurture them, care for them, and be willing to let go when necessary because the harsh truth is that not all friendships are built to last- and that’s okay.